Families

Hiii!

did ya miss me?

I’ve been so busy that I keep forgetting to update on here. If you been following my fibrowings instagram ,you’d of saw we were given a free holiday. We were overwhelmed with such generosity that has been given to us as a family. It was well needed!

Anyway…

It’s 1am, well 1:11am to be precise as I’m typing right now. Thoughts doing it’s glorious running, leaving me feeling deflated. I would like to believe we all don’t have that perfect family. You know, you see them family gatherings and everyone is sat in a big hall together. Well only small number have never done anything to cause hurt. I worry for my children’s future, I’d hate for them to not have a close relationship and that we become so distant. No matter what, your children will always be your babies, I don’t agree on making siblings fights or even taken sides, being two faced and spitting out such hate behind the others back. To me, that’s a dysfunctional family lacking trust. I know some who roll their eyes when I say, I respect my children and my children respect me in return. Some would say that children have to respect their parents wether they like it or not. I completely disagree, as a parent it is my responsibility to help build my little darlings into the independent beings, to do that you need to show them respect to help and show them kindness, honesty, and to allow them to be themselves and open. I’ve witnessed parents name calling their children outside the school gates, screaming at the faces in front of other parents with their children. I’ve also witness parents getting involved when their children are fighting and picking favourites. All this negativity can stunt their mental growth.

I love my history, I was a right geek in school walking out with good grades, yet my one I loved to brag was A in history. I am that one being who’d sit and listen to the elderly for hours on end as they share their story during the war. I feel saddened as I don’t know fully about my family history, it may not seem a big deal, but I would love to share family stories with my children as well as find out more on my ancestry. I was told how I’d look like such and such, yet I didn’t see many photos or hear many stories.

Not only that, but whenever I am asked about any health problems in families as I’m back and forth with sleep, joint, migraines and other problems. I can’t answer, I haven’t a clue.

I know, not fibro related at all. I haven’t even updated you all in a while yet here I am waffling on!

If you don’t already, you are more than welcome to follow my Instagram: Fibrowings I may actually start a twitter page to share my blog.

Hope all is well?

 

xxxx

Kindness

As many are aware, we been through some tough times that really challenged my mental health. The last couple weeks were hell for us as a family. To point I stopped going out for fear of agro. I will never understand the need to be horrible to others, there’s no need for that.

We been given a free holiday from a community group that provide courses, child care, after school clubs for children. We don’t usually go on holidays during the term times, however we accepted it as something to relax and help build us back on track. After wards, I’ve been offered an opportunity that I’d be dumb to refuse, there’s a waiting list for it but I’m more than happy to wait. I had some home truths said to me as I’ve been eager to get back to work; though I’m on step on right path I’m nowhere near ready to get back into employment. It does upset me, of Course the professionals are right and I shouldn’t be rushing myself too soon. I’m keeping up with my driving, so should focus on doing that bit first. The schools are aware of the hell we been through, and authorised my children to have the leave as they believe we as a family deserve it. As I was trying to budget for food to last us till we next get paid, I did stress a little about food. We then had a surprise food supply given to us for the holiday, it has everything we need including toothpaste etc… I’m so overwhelmed with the kindness and generosity that has been given to us. We will remember this and will repay it back by donating food and other products to help families who may be struggling. It’s the best feeling to help others, something my husband and I always do, we never want anything in return, and when we’ve had some shit going on it’s overwhelming to receive that kindness back. I’ve been crying on and off due to the shock of it.

I had harassing neighbours, but one thing I’m grateful is they’ve helped me tackle my mental health by asking for more help, and building up relationships that weren’t quite strong with. So all this amazing things has happened due to it all.  I can only thank them for showing me that not all people are vile rude cretins.

 

Hey beautiful,

theres been some stressful times going on that I’ve had to focus on. On the positive, I got my certificate for my level 2 child development course, so sweeet!

my back is still being a pain at the moment, however MST tablets have helped by allowing me to pace myself which I struggled with.

My husband has been my rock, he’s ensured I’m okay, he has kept up with house work and of course is a hands on dad. I’m so fortunate, as I hear how some partners don’t help out, he has his moments but this man would drop anything to ensure the kids and me are fine. I mean he cleaned the living room and kitchen sides which I was going to do. I was surprised, I really appreciate the little things he does and it allows me to rest up my back so I don’t over do it.

I’ve been doing gentle walks, doing little bits around the house, and having a rest in between. I have a hot water bottle in bed every night which seems to be helping.

Thats all the now beautiful awesome beings.

 

Xxx

Back pain

Hiii beautiful!

Ive been having on off pains with my back that radiates down to my leg. I ignored it as last time I saw my gp about it they explained it’s just the sciatic nerve that’ll come and go. It was when someone at family wedding mentioned my symptoms sounds typical of slipped disc. I personally don’t think it is but know it’s worth getting checked rather than ignore the symptoms. My gp has referred me to have an mri scan, hopefully it won’t be anything that can’t be fixed.

I am gutted I had to cancel my driving lesson today due to the pain I am in. On the positive I have the time to work out right amount of MST works for me. My husband is amazing as always ensuring I’m pacing myself but also taking the time to rest. We are getting a lot of out of the steps program helping building up our self esteem but also keeping positive thoughts of ourselves and others. There’s no more drama in our life as we don’t allow that negativity in so to speak. People will say good or bad things to us and it’s up to us on how we accept that. I’m feeling a lot more happier in my life and it has been a long journey.

What is fibromyalgia?

I attended my first pain management appointment yesterday. The doctor was amazing at describing this condition to me. When he asked me what is fibromyalgia?

my response was simply that is a chronic condition that causes wide spread pain. He shook his head and asked me, but what is it? A person who has arthritis could be told it’s widespread pain but that doesn’t explain what it is. He explained that if someone was to slap their arm they usually wouldn’t react as it isn’t painful, so why do I find it so painful?

He then asked me, if he was to do blood test, biopsy, X-ray, urine samples would they show fibromyalgia? I sighed at this point as I responded with no, I believed this doctor was going to tell me it’s fake.  The doctor asked me if I was to do a list of things I had to do, how long would it take me to pick which one to choose, and how long would it take me to do said task, if I’d move on half way or not complete it at all. He explained that I have chronic fatigue syndrome, poor task management, and poor decision making which is part of “fibro fog”. He then proceeded to go into depth by drawing two circles on piece of paper, one suppose to show a “normal” brain and the other “fibro” brain. He showed me how oxygen travels through brain in comparison to those with fibromyalgia. He explained to me that fibromyalgia is a brain processing problem, so things that shouldn’t really hurt, hurts. The brain causes pain magnification, so my brain is sending wrong signals through nervous system basically saying that everything hurts warning of danger when there isn’t any danger.

We then moved onto medication, and I was baffled to learn that our body does in fact produce its own morphine. When we exercise our body releases endorphins which leaves us feeling good, endorphins are our morphine that our bodies produces by itself. Things like codine makes our liver work harder as it converts condine to morphine, so tablets like MST will be processed faster as liver already produces morphine.The medication my gp been giving me are highly addictive as they only give short relief, so they are being swapped with long relief medication. I’m needing to learn to pace myself better, as I saw a good day where I’m doing everything I can. The doctor explained how that isn’t a good day if I end up in bed for few days after, he explained that a duvet day you lose 1% muscle that takes 21 days to build back up. He advised if I were to carry on the way I was going and not pacing myself, within next few years I’ll be in a wheelchair due to muscle loss. My task is to start off doing something for 5-10 minutes then rest for an hour, if within that hour I’m not feeling any better then it means I’ve over done it so need to reduce my task time. It eventually will build up each week once I’ve found that balance.

 

I have probably not explained this as well as the doctor did, however I found this fascinating and has helped me understand more about fibromyalgia and how to take medication correctly. I also need to accept that nothing will take the pain away just ease it enough to enable me to move more.

Must push myself …

Morning beautiful!

So I’m still recovering from attending a wedding on Saturday. I done some dancing, and had to deal with my husbands drunken arse which he is one of those happy drunks. Anyhoo, my back is so painful, even down my leg. I know, I need to go swimming! I plan to walk my doggo down the woods by us, it’s a favourite walk of ours. I’m hoping a walk will ease off the stiffness in my back, then I can put my feet up and continue with my course work.

 

Doing stuff for me!

Hey my beautiful followers old and new!

This week has been pretty busy for us, I’ve not had a chance to sit and chill out. So, we have a family wedding to attend this weekend I wanted to get my nails done so ensured to put money aside for it as I booked in advance. I last minute got booked in with my hairdresser, I wanted a trim as my hair does grow quickly and I want to keep it short as it’s so much easier to maintain for me! I also decided to get my hair recoloured, I wanted purple hair for a while I just didn’t have the balls to do it, then I reminded myself that I can either live my life with regrets or just go for it. I’m glad I did! I have lush purple colour with pink running through it. What I also discovered was my hair matches the colours in my in-laws living room which was a laugh, I’m sure I’d be useful for when they need to get new furniture or paint for their living room.

My lethargy has been a lot better! I believe vitamin D has helped a lot with that. I’ve been able to stay awake more, and slowly getting back into my usual routine. I did have to cancel yesterday’s driving lesson due to the sheer pain in my knees, it’s difficult to describe but it felt like deep bone pain? It was awful! I took tramadol and it didn’t even put it on the edge at least, fortunately it’s not too bad af the moment as I’ve kept rested up after being out.

 

I am booked in to see pain management clinic in next couple of weeks, of course I will keep you updated with how that goes. I am proud to see my bio now in the fibrosupport-Wales website, I’m proud to be part of this wonderful team and love my fibro family. Their goal is to become a charity and I am with them every step of the way!

I done my balance test in hospital, everything came back normal; so it’s now the case of is it migraine or fibromyalgia that is causing the dizzy and faint spells? They gave me some advice on coping with my tinnitus which is awful in the night or quiet room. The balance test was mostly watching my eye movements with some simple tests which did leave me feel very dizzy afterwards which is completely normal. From falling back quick (they had full support on my head) to wearing these sexy goggles watching a dot moving back and forth.My husband and I stopped by at cafe in hospital to help me rest up before heading back home.

I know I’ve done soppy posts before, honestly I have an amazing husband, he’s been fantastic when I’ve been lethargic and sore. He has been sorting out the children allowing me to rest, that’s why we are honoured to be offered a free holiday I feel the children deserve it more than anything. So we have that to look forward to in couple of months. My husband has helped wash me as I’ve been too sore and lethargic to do it, I hate being that  bad where I’m sat in a warm bath whilst my husband runs shower over me and washes my hair and body for me. He doesn’t get fazed by it though, he’s always been the same with me. I also love how I can talk about periods and other womanly things as he can about his manly things lol! We are comfortable with our bodies, like when I’m sterilising the menstrual cup he offers to do it for me. That may gross out some, but to me that shows how much he loves me, as he says he’s seen me birth our three beautiful children. Having a supportive partner like that does help a lot when you are battling an invisible condition. I am so lucky to have a man like him.

 

Xxxx

Battling Lethargy…

Heeey!

first of all, big hello to my new followers! I apologise for hardly updating. I was meaning to update on here couple of days ago, however…I been battling keeping myself awake. I know, how dramatic…just get up and go right? Well, this lethargy isn’t something I’ve dealt with before, it’s like heavy luggage weighing me down; fighting to keep my eyes open. I been for blood tests, all coming back normal leaving me feel defeated. It was then where doctor explained that the symptoms I’m having points towards vitamin D deficiency, they explained there isn’t a point doing blood test around this season as many would show a little deficiency due to lack of sun. Strange? I know, but I’m clutching onto straws here, I’m trying anything to help. I’ve got courses to do, driving in prep for practical test, I hate not having energy it’s overpowering my other symptoms right now. I know some may make remarks assuming that it means I don’t go out much, which if you follow me, you’ll see I do walk our dog and go out with family a lot, last two weeks I’ve been floored so yes, I’ve not been out as much.

I’ve been given vitamin D to take twice a day to see if it helps, I hope it does because it’s not fair on my family when I’m like this. Of course, me being me refuse to allow this to stop me reaching my goals, so I’m still soldiering on as such, it helps that I’ve stayed in contact explaining what I’m currently battling. Anyhoo, I was curious about the vitamin D deficiency, I may or may not have it. It is scary how similar symptoms are to fibromyalgia, so if you notice any new symptoms or tick all the boxes it wouldn’t hurt to always get it tested, because certain deficiencies can cause a whole list of problems which can be avoided/ treated.

Hope you all are not in too much pain!

 

Wellbeing

Heeeey!

 

my husband and I been going to wellbeing course together. It’s so interesting teaching us about scotoma (our blind spot, our mind blocks out). Today we covered how if we have a belief on something we struggle to see other beliefs. Like if someone has a negative first impression based on what they heard, they struggle to see and believe that the person is exact opposite, so they find all faults on that person. It’s interesting how our minds work, I’m feeling happier in life no matter what throws in our way there’s always ways round things. 😀

 

Sorry I can’t do much of a proper update, will when I’m not so tired and sore. Xxxxx

Feeling better.

Hi beautiful,

So after having laryngitis twice in space of  a week, I got really poorly with my chest too. I went back to my GP as 3 weeks of loss appetite and feeling as though I had the flu, it was getting enough. Doctor prescribed me antibiotics as he could tell it wasn’t a viral infection that they first suspected. I’ve been taking the amoxicillin for three days so far, and I feel so much better. I’m still battling lethargy, I got my iron and vitamin b12 levels checked and all came back normal. I’ve also got a balance test soon with audiologists as I get dizzy spells, migraines, and constant tinnitus, they hoping to find the cause of it.

 

My children have a pet hamster, they’ve called him Pikachu. I say my children, he’s mostly my eldest pet as he’s more responsible. I’m proud my child asked so many questions when picking the hamster out I.e why do they have bad eyesight, what can/can’t they eat. It showed my husband and I that he was ready to have that little responsibility, of course he knows he can’t take hamster out without a grown up, he helps give fresh food in the cage and will be helping to clean the cage. I feel it’s important to give your child that responsibility, of course as a parent you’ll know your own child and if you believe they are able to take on such a responsibility. He’s also been taught if hamster does bite, to not react it may bite if it’s afraid or smell food on his hands, my children know to wash their hands before and after.

Hope you are not in too much pain.

 

xxx