Families

Hiii!

did ya miss me?

I’ve been so busy that I keep forgetting to update on here. If you been following my fibrowings instagram ,you’d of saw we were given a free holiday. We were overwhelmed with such generosity that has been given to us as a family. It was well needed!

Anyway…

It’s 1am, well 1:11am to be precise as I’m typing right now. Thoughts doing it’s glorious running, leaving me feeling deflated. I would like to believe we all don’t have that perfect family. You know, you see them family gatherings and everyone is sat in a big hall together. Well only small number have never done anything to cause hurt. I worry for my children’s future, I’d hate for them to not have a close relationship and that we become so distant. No matter what, your children will always be your babies, I don’t agree on making siblings fights or even taken sides, being two faced and spitting out such hate behind the others back. To me, that’s a dysfunctional family lacking trust. I know some who roll their eyes when I say, I respect my children and my children respect me in return. Some would say that children have to respect their parents wether they like it or not. I completely disagree, as a parent it is my responsibility to help build my little darlings into the independent beings, to do that you need to show them respect to help and show them kindness, honesty, and to allow them to be themselves and open. I’ve witnessed parents name calling their children outside the school gates, screaming at the faces in front of other parents with their children. I’ve also witness parents getting involved when their children are fighting and picking favourites. All this negativity can stunt their mental growth.

I love my history, I was a right geek in school walking out with good grades, yet my one I loved to brag was A in history. I am that one being who’d sit and listen to the elderly for hours on end as they share their story during the war. I feel saddened as I don’t know fully about my family history, it may not seem a big deal, but I would love to share family stories with my children as well as find out more on my ancestry. I was told how I’d look like such and such, yet I didn’t see many photos or hear many stories.

Not only that, but whenever I am asked about any health problems in families as I’m back and forth with sleep, joint, migraines and other problems. I can’t answer, I haven’t a clue.

I know, not fibro related at all. I haven’t even updated you all in a while yet here I am waffling on!

If you don’t already, you are more than welcome to follow my Instagram: Fibrowings I may actually start a twitter page to share my blog.

Hope all is well?

 

xxxx

Kindness

As many are aware, we been through some tough times that really challenged my mental health. The last couple weeks were hell for us as a family. To point I stopped going out for fear of agro. I will never understand the need to be horrible to others, there’s no need for that.

We been given a free holiday from a community group that provide courses, child care, after school clubs for children. We don’t usually go on holidays during the term times, however we accepted it as something to relax and help build us back on track. After wards, I’ve been offered an opportunity that I’d be dumb to refuse, there’s a waiting list for it but I’m more than happy to wait. I had some home truths said to me as I’ve been eager to get back to work; though I’m on step on right path I’m nowhere near ready to get back into employment. It does upset me, of Course the professionals are right and I shouldn’t be rushing myself too soon. I’m keeping up with my driving, so should focus on doing that bit first. The schools are aware of the hell we been through, and authorised my children to have the leave as they believe we as a family deserve it. As I was trying to budget for food to last us till we next get paid, I did stress a little about food. We then had a surprise food supply given to us for the holiday, it has everything we need including toothpaste etc… I’m so overwhelmed with the kindness and generosity that has been given to us. We will remember this and will repay it back by donating food and other products to help families who may be struggling. It’s the best feeling to help others, something my husband and I always do, we never want anything in return, and when we’ve had some shit going on it’s overwhelming to receive that kindness back. I’ve been crying on and off due to the shock of it.

I had harassing neighbours, but one thing I’m grateful is they’ve helped me tackle my mental health by asking for more help, and building up relationships that weren’t quite strong with. So all this amazing things has happened due to it all.  I can only thank them for showing me that not all people are vile rude cretins.

 

Hey beautiful,

theres been some stressful times going on that I’ve had to focus on. On the positive, I got my certificate for my level 2 child development course, so sweeet!

my back is still being a pain at the moment, however MST tablets have helped by allowing me to pace myself which I struggled with.

My husband has been my rock, he’s ensured I’m okay, he has kept up with house work and of course is a hands on dad. I’m so fortunate, as I hear how some partners don’t help out, he has his moments but this man would drop anything to ensure the kids and me are fine. I mean he cleaned the living room and kitchen sides which I was going to do. I was surprised, I really appreciate the little things he does and it allows me to rest up my back so I don’t over do it.

I’ve been doing gentle walks, doing little bits around the house, and having a rest in between. I have a hot water bottle in bed every night which seems to be helping.

Thats all the now beautiful awesome beings.

 

Xxx

Back pain

Hiii beautiful!

Ive been having on off pains with my back that radiates down to my leg. I ignored it as last time I saw my gp about it they explained it’s just the sciatic nerve that’ll come and go. It was when someone at family wedding mentioned my symptoms sounds typical of slipped disc. I personally don’t think it is but know it’s worth getting checked rather than ignore the symptoms. My gp has referred me to have an mri scan, hopefully it won’t be anything that can’t be fixed.

I am gutted I had to cancel my driving lesson today due to the pain I am in. On the positive I have the time to work out right amount of MST works for me. My husband is amazing as always ensuring I’m pacing myself but also taking the time to rest. We are getting a lot of out of the steps program helping building up our self esteem but also keeping positive thoughts of ourselves and others. There’s no more drama in our life as we don’t allow that negativity in so to speak. People will say good or bad things to us and it’s up to us on how we accept that. I’m feeling a lot more happier in my life and it has been a long journey.

Doing stuff for me!

Hey my beautiful followers old and new!

This week has been pretty busy for us, I’ve not had a chance to sit and chill out. So, we have a family wedding to attend this weekend I wanted to get my nails done so ensured to put money aside for it as I booked in advance. I last minute got booked in with my hairdresser, I wanted a trim as my hair does grow quickly and I want to keep it short as it’s so much easier to maintain for me! I also decided to get my hair recoloured, I wanted purple hair for a while I just didn’t have the balls to do it, then I reminded myself that I can either live my life with regrets or just go for it. I’m glad I did! I have lush purple colour with pink running through it. What I also discovered was my hair matches the colours in my in-laws living room which was a laugh, I’m sure I’d be useful for when they need to get new furniture or paint for their living room.

My lethargy has been a lot better! I believe vitamin D has helped a lot with that. I’ve been able to stay awake more, and slowly getting back into my usual routine. I did have to cancel yesterday’s driving lesson due to the sheer pain in my knees, it’s difficult to describe but it felt like deep bone pain? It was awful! I took tramadol and it didn’t even put it on the edge at least, fortunately it’s not too bad af the moment as I’ve kept rested up after being out.

 

I am booked in to see pain management clinic in next couple of weeks, of course I will keep you updated with how that goes. I am proud to see my bio now in the fibrosupport-Wales website, I’m proud to be part of this wonderful team and love my fibro family. Their goal is to become a charity and I am with them every step of the way!

I done my balance test in hospital, everything came back normal; so it’s now the case of is it migraine or fibromyalgia that is causing the dizzy and faint spells? They gave me some advice on coping with my tinnitus which is awful in the night or quiet room. The balance test was mostly watching my eye movements with some simple tests which did leave me feel very dizzy afterwards which is completely normal. From falling back quick (they had full support on my head) to wearing these sexy goggles watching a dot moving back and forth.My husband and I stopped by at cafe in hospital to help me rest up before heading back home.

I know I’ve done soppy posts before, honestly I have an amazing husband, he’s been fantastic when I’ve been lethargic and sore. He has been sorting out the children allowing me to rest, that’s why we are honoured to be offered a free holiday I feel the children deserve it more than anything. So we have that to look forward to in couple of months. My husband has helped wash me as I’ve been too sore and lethargic to do it, I hate being that  bad where I’m sat in a warm bath whilst my husband runs shower over me and washes my hair and body for me. He doesn’t get fazed by it though, he’s always been the same with me. I also love how I can talk about periods and other womanly things as he can about his manly things lol! We are comfortable with our bodies, like when I’m sterilising the menstrual cup he offers to do it for me. That may gross out some, but to me that shows how much he loves me, as he says he’s seen me birth our three beautiful children. Having a supportive partner like that does help a lot when you are battling an invisible condition. I am so lucky to have a man like him.

 

Xxxx

Hiii! Quick update!

hi! So I’ve lost my voice thanks to laryngitis which between that and tonsillitis I tend to get every once a year at least. Some of us are just that unfortunate, probably shows how much I talk perhaps?

Moving on…

Ive completed my course, and will be starting another course next week! I’ve got placement sorted too. My theory test has been booked, more than likely will fail that one only based on the percentage of those who pass first time round. Of course, I’ll keep you posted on that! I’m getting closer to my practical test which is exciting. Oh, my husband and I were given an opportunity to go to this mindfulness course thingy it’s an 8 week course but focuses on building our confidence up. If you check my fibrowings instagram, you’ll see some photos I took few years back;during photography course I done. I completed that course with a distinction whilst heavily pregnant with my second and running around after my toddler, as my husband worked full time, it wasn’t easy but I done it! Made me feel proud of myself, proving I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.

Its close to my husbands and my one year wedding anniversary, and 10 years together too! We don’t like Making a big fuss but we do feel we should do something to celebrate. We been through so much together that had only made us stronger, raising three children, having different jobs, me studying etc…we’ve helped pick each other up and help aim towards our careers. Goes to show, young couples who have children early doesn’t ruin their lives or chances of career. Just got to work harder, and we seem to find ways round things to help achieve it.

TMI

I’m trying out the mooncup, a lot are using them and so many positives from them. They are more hygienic, no nasty chemicals, better for the environment, can’t even feel it. Thought I’d throw that in as well…

 

So there’s a quick update, I’ll keep you all posted of course!

oh and as I’ve constantly been very lethargic and seeming to have these flare ups after flare ups, I requested to have my bloods checked as they haven’t been checked in a while. Better to check these things out especially if you notice any new symptoms.  So I’ll let you know the outcome on that, be interesting to see if anything does come back, which in an odd way I hope it does as I hope it’s something that can be resolved quickly. I know I get usual aches, pains, migraines and lethargy as well as tinnitus which is an effin nightmare. But these symptoms seem different, feel different, more intense like? Been going on since December, and it’s getting frustrating.

I hope you are not in too much pain, I will update you all again soon.

 

thank you and big hello to my new followers too! Welcome to my randomness! 😁

love,

Amy

xxxx

 

 

 

 

Craft.

Hiiii beautiful!

I am so fortunate to live in a community that has so much going on, with amazing support too! I decided to join a local craft group that’s free, and don’t need any skills what so ever (good for me as I’m shite!).

I was nervous yet determined to try something new. My goal this year is to push myself more. It’s a lovely small group, we have refreshments, chat, and help each other with new crafts. It’s so therapeutic! I’m so pleased I went. My children enjoy the after school and holiday clubs they run, I really do love where we live.

Anyhoo, despite my arm and hands aching, I was able to sew today with little assistance, it’s not great but I made it so it’s something. 😁

im excited for my driving lesson on Friday as first lesson on automatic! Aaaaand of course I’m excited on further courses I’ll be taken the next few weeks! It’s all positive for me!

Reaching my goals.

I had to share the excitement with you all! My course is almost completed, I’ll be doing a further course that’ll have placements and hopefully a job in the field I’m learning in!

Also due my driving lesson on automatic this Friday so I’m excited to see how that goes too!

a lot of positives going on at the moment, here’s to the start of my career path!

What you see is what you get.

You’ve probably heard many say this, it’s been probably plastered on people’s pages.

I am a pretty open being though, I don’t have anything to hide, ask and I will say. I am truthful with my feelings, although sometimes I may hide them in fear of upsetting others. I like the way I am.

Im starting to get better from this flare up,  it started after Christmas, I’ve spent most my days using walking aids to get by. When I felt not too bad, I done little walk when I could. My eldest took this photo of me, my dog has been pretty much attached to me, I’ve been substituting my hot water bottles for him. I’ve been lethargic and nauseated due to the excruciating pains. I may look fat and lazy to an outsider, those who know me well have seen my fluctuation with my moods and pain.

One thing that I am also proud of myself is, I’m an amazing mother. This sounds so big headed, but I’ve always doubted myself, had people knock me down, had stories twisted. My eldest had learning difficulties that despite all my hard efforts and nagging, school were taking credit for my child’s achievements. It’s all good,things have moved forward and my child is getting the right support they needed. I’ve never been a bad mother, I should of never self doubted myself. I get so many compliments from other professionals my favourite being how they can tell my children are from a loving and caring home. I always give out compliments to my children, they know their manners, are affectionate and simply the most amazing little humans ever! It’s difficult being a parent with this condition, it’s exhausting and certainly more challenging, so seeing my children grow into their own amazing little characters shows me that I’m doing a good job. Even if I’m tired I still find time to sit and read to them, play board game or their toys with them. It’s good to recognise your strengths and be proud of yourself. We are our own worse critics.

I have taken back control of my own well-being, it’s been a long path however I’ve succeeded. No more worrying what others think of me, living in the moment and not the past has helped. No longer holding the grudges that we’re holding me down, and no longer having to explain myself to anyone. This world is already full of so much hate, it’s so draining, it wastes so much energy thinking and treating others negatively.

people will always talk about us, good or bad, it’s up to you if you want to go back and dwell on it, or to carry on moving forward in your life.

x

Sir Fluff Butt

Michael the puppy doesn’t leave my side especially if I’m in pain or feeling low.

 

For over a week ive been having using crutches to get by. Pain shooting down from my hip down to base of my foot. Now my shoulder has decidedly to join in. It has affected my grip, movements etc… I’ve dosed up on tramadol and ibropufen, I hope for this to ease off very soon.